


Secret No More

by Anonymous



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Age Play Caregiver Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Age Play Little Deceit | Janus Sanders, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hugs, Light Angst, Lights are painted as being a little unsympathetic, Lights aren't actually in it though, Non-Sexual Age Play, Sort Of, but that's because it's written from Remus' and Janus' points of view, he's confused but he's trying, just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29663628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Janus has a secret.Remus doesn't knock before opening doors.Janus doesn't have a secret anymore.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 5
Kudos: 79
Collections: Anonymous





	Secret No More

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a rush whoops- 
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- light angst  
> \- graphic imagery  
> \- Janus thinks negatively of his own regression
> 
> I have returned with more platonic Dukeceit content!! Hope you enjoy :)

Janus rose up in his room, fuming quietly.  
  
Just when he thought those Lights couldn't get any worse! They'd summoned him, asked for his input, then ignored him as if they hadn't dragged him up there to ask for his opinion in the first place! It made Janus want to tear his hair out!  
  
He sat down on the bed, nails digging into the soft sheets. Tears stung his eyes and an unwelcome sob bubbled up his throat.  
  
He just wanted them to listen! Was that really so bad...?  
  
His hat felt too tight, too wrong, all of a sudden, so he pulled it off, tossing it halfheartedly at his chair. Not even a minute later, his gloves and capelet met the same fate. The clothes that usually felt so safe, suddenly felt suffocating.  
  
He wiped his face on his sleeve, head feeling fuzzy. He allowed himself to slip, despite all his instincts screaming not to.  
  
It wasn't safe, he knew.  
  
Did he care? Not really.  
  
His door was locked, anyway.  
  
Sniffling, he slid off his bed, hands reaching under the end and grappling uselessly, until they brushed the side of a familiar box. He grabbed it, tipping the contents clumsily onto the floor. He rummaged through the various items on the floor, finding his favourite pacifier.  
  
Standing shakily, he pushed open his bathroom door, not bothering to shut it behind him. His door was locked, anyway.  
  
Janus held the pacifier under running water, staring at his face in the mirror. His eyes were all red and puffy, and there was snot on scales, from when he wiped his face.  
  
After he was sure he'd held the pacifier under water long enough, he placed it on the side, and haphazardly splashed water at his face. It didn't do much, and his scales still felt icky, but at least his eyes were less sticky now. He hated crying. Made him feel weak. And he looked gross after.  
  
Taking his paci and popping it into his mouth, he toddled over to his bed, flopping face first onto it. Rolling over, he stared at the mess he'd made on the floor, briefly wondering if he should tidy up. Big Janus didn't like messy rooms, after all.  
  
After some thought, he decided against it. His room was locked, anyway. He could deal with it later. Rolling back over, he stuck his hand under his pillow, searching for his best friend, Sir Slithers.  
  
He lived on the bed, under the pillow because Big Janus loved Sir Slithers too. Made him feel less lonely.  
  
The thought of being all alone made his chest hurt in that horrible way. Janus didn't like it at first, but he'd gotten used to it by now. Because Big Janus didn't want anyone to know about him.  
  
Big Janus thought he was bad.  
  
He was a flaw. He was broken.  
  
And that absolutely didn't upset him in anyway so, really, Janus wasn't sure why there were more tears running down his face, or why he was now sobbing into Sir Slithers' neck.  
  
Oh, who was he kidding? Certainly not himself, that was for sure.  
  
He was tired, he was lonely, and he was sad. He wanted someone to look after him. He wanted someone to play with, someone to laugh with. Someone who would watch cartoons with him.  
  
He didn't get to watch cartoons, because the TV was outside. It was too dangerous. He could be seen. And Big Janus didn't want that. So he settled for playing quietly with Sir Slithers, the only friend he needed.  
  
(That was a lie. He was so, so lonely-)  
  
But he was too tired for playing right now. He reached out, seizing hold of the duvet on the other side, pulling it back and folding it over itself. He kicked off his shoes and rolled into the uncovered side of the bed, pulling the duvet over him, with only some difficulty.  
  
Burying his face in his pillow, he hugged Sir Slithers to his chest. He didn't usually take naps when Remus wasn't in the Imagination, it was risky. But it didn't matter today his door was locked anyway.  
  
With that thought in his mind, Janus drifted to sleep, sucking rhythmically on his pacifier, allowing coherent thought to escape his grasp without a worry. He was safe. He was fine. His door was locked.  
  
His door was, in fact, _not_ locked.  
  
-  
  
Remus was bored.  
  
He'd been unusually free, doing stuff he definitely wasn't allowed to do (like playing darts on the wall with actual bulls' eyes, and eating couch springs), and he'd even had the chance to finally go through with conjuring a ceiling fan, just to tie a goat liver to it. The organ had made a fun little splat sound when it had hit the wall, spraying blood everywhere.  
  
He was normally forbidden from making messes in the Common Room, Janus always-  
  
Remus paused.  
  
Janus wasn't there. _T_ _hat_ was why he'd been able to make such a mess.  
  
Now that Remus thought about it, he hadn't seen his beloved Snakey in a little bit. He'd been told in the morning, while eating his breakfast of lightbulb filaments and batteries, that Janus was being called by the Lights, for whatever reason. What had he said...?  
  
_"I'm sure I won't be long, Remus. It isn't like they listen to me, anyway."_  
  
Oh yeah...  
  
Janus should've come back by now. He never stayed long, even if it did seem like he was getting his way. Because it always ended the same, he'd said. They'd go along with everything he was saying, lapping it up like parched puppies with bacteria infested water, then they'd suddenly turn around and ignore everything being said, claiming it was bad, or wrong.  
  
And Janus would always come back, falling face first onto the couch, and he would watch terrible horror movies with Remus until the annoyance, the irritation, ~~the sadness~~ , faded from his expression.  
  
It was their ritual. It was their tradition. It was what they should've been doing right now.  
  
_Maybe they did listen to him,_ a traitorous part of Remus' mind whispered. _Maybe they did accept him, maybe he left you too. Just like Virgil._  
  
No. No. Janus would never... right?  
  
But as soon as the thought had occurred to him, it had branded itself into his mind, and he couldn't get it to _go away._  
  
_He isn't coming back. He's gone. Any second now, his door is going to disappear, and you'll be the only one left. The unlovable Side._  
  
_A_ ll _alone. No friends left. Alone in this darkness with only your thoughts for company. He's gone. Gone. Not coming back. He's up there with those Lights right now, laughing, joking, forgetting. About you._  
  
_He isn't coming bac-_ no no no no-  
  
Janus was here, he was sure of it. He'd promised he wouldn't leave.  
  
_So did Virgil._  
  
Remus drew in a shuddering breath, resisting the urge to scrape the skin off his scalp and rip out chunks of hair.  
  
Janus was here. Janus came back. He was just in his room.  
  
And Remus was going to prove it to himself.  
  
He strode down the hallway with purpose, stopping in front of the yellow door at the end. Throwing the door open with a bang, he poked his head inside.  
  
"Oh Janny! Where are-" he blinked.  
  
Janus was there, yes, but there was something off about him. He'd scrambled up as soon as Remus had opened the door, hair tousled and a streak of drool glistening on his right cheek. There was a stuffed snake clutched in his hands that Remus had never seen before. His mouth was open in shock, and something had fallen out of it in his rush to sit up. A pacifier, if Remus wasn't mistaken. And he was fairly sure he wasn't.  
  
Remus stared. Janus stared right back.  
  
Then promptly burst into tears.  
  
Remus flinched at the sudden sound. It was unlike anything he'd heard from Janus before, loud, attention-seizing wails, almost like a tiny toddler's. 

Well, it certainly fit, considering the whole pacifier and stuffed snake thing...  
  
Janus' crying was doing something funny to his chest, making it hurt in a way it had never hurt before. 

He shut the door behind him, approaching Janus' bed carefully. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do, as a peculiar expression made itself known on Janus' face, and he clapped a hand over his mouth. Instantly, the wails tapered off into muted sobs. If it wasn't for the way Janus' shoulders trembled, or the occasional sniffle, he would've been completely silent. 

It shattered Remus' icy heart.  
  
He reached out tentatively, and Janus gasped, scrambling off the bed and ducking under it. Remus pursed his lips.  
  
"Janny?"  
  
No response.  
  
He barely stopped himself from facepalming. Of course Janus wouldn't respond, he'd been scared half to death. All because Remus didn't know the meaning of privacy!   
  
Sighing, he picked up the yellow pacifier from the sheets, then sat down on the floor by the bed, holding it out carefully.  
  
"Hey, you dropped this."  
  
He wasn't expecting a response to that, either but, after several moments of silence, Janus sniffed quietly.  
  
"Don' wan' it."  
  
Remus raised an eyebrow, taking note of the soft, childlike lilt to his voice.  
  
"You sure?" He coaxed. "'Cuz if you don't want it, I'll take it. It does look like a pretty cool pacifier."  
  
Remus wasn't exactly sure what possessed him to say that, and he was completely ready to drop the pacifier, apologise profusely, promise to never speak of this again, and run, when  
  
"You really think so?"  
  
Well, Janus seemed to have developed a speech impediment at some point between the morning and now, so what he actually said was more like  
  
"You weally fink so?"  
  
But Remus shoved aside his burning questions and random observations in favour of focussing on his friend.  
  
"Yeah, 'course I do."  
  
To his surprise, Remus found that he wasn't lying. The pacifier _was_ quite cool. The handle was snake shaped, and the edge was studded with little yellow gemstones. Some had fallen off, though and the surface of the pacifier was littered with scratches, so it was looking worse for wear. He made a mental note to ask if he could fix it, later. He held his hand out to where he assumed Janus was lying.  
  
"I'm sure you want something as cool as this back, right?"  
  
There was a pause, and Remus almost thought he'd scared Janus off again, but a hand reached out, swiping the pacifier, before retreating hastily. The next time Janus spoke, his words slurred together ever so slightly. 

"Fank 'ou," he whispered.  
  
"You're welcome," Remus replied, just as softly. He shuffled closer hesitantly, so that he was leaning against the bed, and his knee was half under the bed. There were no sounds of shuffling, so he assumed Janus hadn't moved away.  
  
"You wanna come out and sit with me? It can't be very comfortable lying on the floor like that."

Janus seemed to consider the question for several minutes, before a hand reached out to grasp the fabric of his pants.  
  
"Ok."  
  
Remus smiled, holding Janus' hand as he wiggled out from under the bed. The Side was a mess, for lack of better word. There were dried tear tracks on his face and snot trailing down the side of his cheek, getting caught between his scales. His hair was still wild, sticking up in every direction, made even worse by being rubbed against the floor. But the pacifier bobbing between his lips made him look adorable, tears and snot and all.  
  
He blinked owlishly at Remus, as if he didn't know what to do. 

Well, truth be told, Remus himself didn't have a clue either. So he opened his arms.  
  
"Want a hug?"  
  
He'd never seen Janus look more relieved in his life. The next thing he knew, he had a lapful of a trembling Side, burying his face into his shoulder. Warm wetness dripped onto his collarbone.  
  
"Hey, hey," Remus tried to pull Janus away, make sure he was ok, but the Side held tight, not ready to let go. He was hugging Remus as if he hadn't hugged anyone in years which, if Remus thought about it, was probably true. The last hug he'd ever seen Janus give was to Virgil, and he'd left years ago. He cursed himself for never offering.  
  
Though he was sure that Janus would've declined, even if he had.  
  
So he gave up on trying to pull away and held tighter, trying to make up for all the missed hugs, all the missed arm brushes, all the missed casual touches.  
  
"Don't let go," he heard Janus whisper, voice gut wrenchingly timid.  
  
"I won't," Remus promised. "I won't."  
  
He wasn't sure how long they'd been sitting there, but the flow of tears ebbed away, and Janus breaths began to even out. Before long, the Side was deeply asleep, head resting on Remus' chest, hands fisting his shirt so tight his fingernails were pinching his skin.  
  
But Remus would sooner break his own knuckles than tell Janus to let go.  
  
Sighing, he rested against the Side of Janus bed again. He was going to wake up with a butt so numb he could probably cut it off without a problem, feeling like he tried to snap his own neck off, but he didn't care. It was worth it. It was all worth it.  
  
For Janus. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! <3 
> 
> Take care!!


End file.
